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We're Still Family: What Grown Children Have to Say About Their Parents' Divorce

We're Still Family: What Grown Children Have to Say About Their Parents' Divorce
Author: Constance Ahrons
ISBN 13: 9780060931209
ISBN 10: 60931205
Edition: N/A
Publisher: Harper Perennial
Publication Date: 2005-05-03
Format: Paperback
Pages: 304
List Price: $14.99

Formerly with the U. of Southern California, Ahrons is now an international lecturer, consultant, and workshop leader. Her 1994 text, The Good Divorce, was based on a study of parents and stepparents interviewed in the early 80s, during the first five years after divorce. Her newest work reports findings from in-depth interviews with 173 grown children of those divorcing parents about their experiences of their parents' divorces. The study shows how specific myths about divorce negatively impact divorced parents and their children, and why they should be dispelled; the complex changes children undergo after divorce; what worked and what didn't for the interviewees; and resilience, and why and how some children thrive while others do not. Academic but accessible to the general reader. Annotation ©2004 Book News, Inc., Portland, OR

Publishers Weekly

In 1979, sociologist Ahrons randomly selected 98 pairs of divorced parents in Wisconsin for a five-year study. As she reported in 1994's The Good Divorce, while everyone handles the divorce process differently, "divorce doesn't destroy families," even if it rearranges and expands them to embrace new members. This reassuring viewpoint has been attacked by researchers like Judith Wallerstein, who argue that divorce's damage may not appear for a decade or more, when ACODs (adult children of divorce) struggle unsuccessfully to bond with partners. In response, Ahrons went back to her original research panel to learn how their children fared. Her team managed to interview an astounding 90% of the original cohort's children. Approximately three-fourths of these 173 "children" (now 30-somethings) thought their parents' divorces were a good idea, and that parents and children were better off than if they'd stayed together. Their comments on what made a difference to them when their parents were divorcing are instructive. Kids are very tuned into-and upset by-parental warfare, so "how parents relate to each other" is key. Parents battle over joint custody schedules, oblivious to how stressful the transitioning between parents can be. Ahrons reminds parents it's not the quantity of time they spend with their child, but the quality of relationship they establish: reliability, consistency and genuine interest in their lives are what matter most to children. More prescriptive than descriptive, Ahrons's supportive guidebook should aid anyone trying to make a "good divorce" better. Agent, Sandra Dijkstra. (June) Forecast: Ahrons's reassuring book will appeal to divorcees who want to be civilized and think positive. The author will embark on a four-city publicity tour. Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information.